Remus J. Lupin

*locked*

Sometimes when I dream, it feels like there's someone else in there with me. It's rather strange, but my dreams are very...vivid. Good or bad they are vivid, and often when I wake up it takes me a bit longer than necessary to remind myself that I had simply been sleeping.

During the week prior to the full moon is worse. It... The feeling never truly goes away, how there is something lingering just beneath the surface, but the week leading up to the full moon is much worse. That thing that lives in me stirs more than usual. It breathes a little deeper, gaining life with each night that passes until it is ready to fully take over. During the day it is easier to fight it, but at night... At night it strikes with an unrelenting force. It does what I hold it back from doing during the day. It makes me relive my worst fears, and live new ones. Most of the time I harm someone I care about. There is so much blood all around me every time - blood that was shed because the wolf did it - and there is a laughter that just keeps echoing and that bloody voice, and...

It's him. I am sure it's him, because he was the one that passed that curse onto me. His curse is running through me, whether I want it to be or not, and I can never stop it. All I can do is live with it, and with those nightmares. Very few know just how strong my nightmares can be, and how they can shake me to the core, but I can never bring myself to tell them why or what they are about. They say I am nothing like him, but there is a part of him in me. And if they were to see that, I just--

All I can do is try to meet their eyes when I wake up without feeling even more disgusted at myself, because every morning I can still feel the blood sticking against my skin. All I can truly do is pray that they never get to see it.

After this, and this. Open for RP, in case anyone wants to visit him. :)

PS: Even if he returns to the cottage with Tonks eventually for a few days, Remus can still receive visitors here or in the comm. <3


While he sleeps he can still hear him. He can hear his howls, and the snarls. The growling. Often he can still even feel the claws as they dig through his chest, the fangs as they bite into his throat and the way they rip his shoulder apart.

It all seems so real while he sleeps that, once he manages to wake up, it's hard to remember that it's over. That Fenrir Greyback is dead and that it's time to move on. Get better. Get out of here. That's what is important, isn't it?

Except, as his breathing returns back to normal after each dream and he does all he can to ignore the pain that ebbs and flows steadily throughout his body, his thoughts start to plague him. What if Fenrir hadn't died? And if he was dead... So many that were once dead were back once more. He himself had been dead not that long ago, hadn't he? So what, exactly, assured him that Fenrir wouldn't be back?

Perhaps it's because of those thoughts that he can't feel happy of his victory. He feels relief, sure, but there's not much more past that. Maybe it would come later, once his body stops aching over the smallest movement. Maybe it would sneak up to him at the most random moment.

Maybe it wouldn't even come.

But it's over, he reminds himself. For now that is all he tries to concentrate on. That, and the fact that in a couple of days he would be going home to finish recuperating if they managed to convince Poppy to let him go. Merlin, and he's certainly hoping that she'll do that because he already feels claustrophobic even if he has barely been there for a couple of days.

Not feeling tired enough to fall back asleep, Remus just stays where he is and stares blankly up at the ceiling as thoughts continue to take over.

It was amazing, the tricks that time played on a person's mind. Nineteen years could feel like nothing, like a simple blink of an eye, but a month could feel eternal and, at times, never ending.

This was the trick time was playing on him, at least. One minute he was at Hogwarts, a beam of green light coming straight at him before he could react, and the next he was face-to-face with his nineteen year old son. Now a month had just passed since his return, and at times he couldn't help but wonder if it had somehow been longer than just a month. If maybe time had played yet another trick and had sped up while he wasn't looking.

( In a sense, however, that was exactly what had happened. )

He's here. Fenrir Greyback is here.

Teddy, I beg you. Do not go near him, for any reason.

...Actually, all of you. Please be careful.

Lily, Harry... I'm sorry. I should have shown up sooner, I should've--

I'm sorry. Truly, I am.