In the infirmary...

[worldfromafar]

After this, and this. Open for RP, in case anyone wants to visit him. :)

PS: Even if he returns to the cottage with Tonks eventually for a few days, Remus can still receive visitors here or in the comm. <3


While he sleeps he can still hear him. He can hear his howls, and the snarls. The growling. Often he can still even feel the claws as they dig through his chest, the fangs as they bite into his throat and the way they rip his shoulder apart.

It all seems so real while he sleeps that, once he manages to wake up, it's hard to remember that it's over. That Fenrir Greyback is dead and that it's time to move on. Get better. Get out of here. That's what is important, isn't it?

Except, as his breathing returns back to normal after each dream and he does all he can to ignore the pain that ebbs and flows steadily throughout his body, his thoughts start to plague him. What if Fenrir hadn't died? And if he was dead... So many that were once dead were back once more. He himself had been dead not that long ago, hadn't he? So what, exactly, assured him that Fenrir wouldn't be back?

Perhaps it's because of those thoughts that he can't feel happy of his victory. He feels relief, sure, but there's not much more past that. Maybe it would come later, once his body stops aching over the smallest movement. Maybe it would sneak up to him at the most random moment.

Maybe it wouldn't even come.

But it's over, he reminds himself. For now that is all he tries to concentrate on. That, and the fact that in a couple of days he would be going home to finish recuperating if they managed to convince Poppy to let him go. Merlin, and he's certainly hoping that she'll do that because he already feels claustrophobic even if he has barely been there for a couple of days.

Not feeling tired enough to fall back asleep, Remus just stays where he is and stares blankly up at the ceiling as thoughts continue to take over.

Comments

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

Word of the result of Remus and Greyback's battle spread quickly. Benjy's first instinct had been to rush off to find Remus, lend a hand healing him, and then throw a damn party. But, as always, his logic prevailed. Parties were more Sirius and James' thing. Poppy hardly ever appreciated people "underfoot" while she was trying to work. And Remus needed rest right now, not enthusiasm.

So Benjy spent a couple of days feeling twitchy and impatient, waiting for a more appropriate time to pay a visit and thinking about what he'd discussed with Fabian. This business with people coming back. Who or what was causing it? Could it be stopped or regulated? Because nobody wanted Greyback returning -- even his own side seemed to find him disgusting and offensive -- and ever since the first time he'd been paired with Remus in Potions during second year, Benjy found that he had an innate desire to help Remus however he could. And keeping Greyback away? Definitely counted as helping Remus.

He tried to wait another day but Benjy could only keep himself patient for a limited amount of time. He pushed open the infirmary door and poked his head in. Remus had been installed not far from the entrance and at the moment he was alone. Benjy knocked on the door to get Remus' attention and stepped into the room. "Oi, Remus," he said in greeting. "Are you up for a visitor?"

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

Remus' lips twitched into a smile as he saw him, and he gave a faint nod. His voice was still quieter than usual due to the bite on his throat, but by now he was starting to get used to it. "Certainly, Benjy."

He still couldn't believe that so many people from the original Order were back, but it made him feel so happy that they were. It was like being back with family after so many years.

"How have you been?"

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

"Better than you, I suspect," Benjy replied cheerfully. He kept his hands shoved deep in his pockets as he approached but as soon as he was next to the bed he glanced over his shoulder to make sure Poppy wasn't there and quickly checked Remus' bandages. He knew she would beat him about the head if he was caught even implying he might possibly question her skills. Satisfied, he pulled a chair closer and sat. "Looks like you'll have some lovely new scars once you've healed up," he commented.

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

It took all he had to not let out at least a chuckle as Benjy checked his bandages; not because of how it would hurt, but because if he did he knew there was a chance Poppy would catch him.

"Ah, yes," he said with a small smile. "Fenrir at least knew how to make it so I could remember him after this."

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

"As if you really needed more help with that," Benjy muttered, sounding almost like he took Greyback's behavior as a personal affront. But that was just Benjy, always taking it to heart when bad things happened to people he particularly liked.

"Anyway, some people find scars quite attractive." The smile that formed on his lips was slight but still managed to be sly. "Your wife happen to be one of them?"

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

Remus wasn't surprised by Benjy's muttering; if anything, the familiarity of hearing him say that and just having his old friend there already helped in making him feel better.

At the last, and with that smile, he finally chuckled under his breath. Once again it proved to be the wrong thing to do, but he didn't mind it at all. "Actually, she is. I lucked out. She is...wonderful. Have you had a chance to meet her yet?"

[diedforthem.livejournal.com]

Marlene had heard about the battle and its aftermath right about when everyone else did, and she'd decided to pay Remus a visit as soon as possible -- he was one of the ones she hadn't yet greeted.

So she knocked, with a wave to Poppy, and flopped herself next to Remus' bed, guitar in hand. "Lucky you, Remus, you get free entertainment," she said with a grin. "I wouldn't do this for just anyone, y'know."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

Even if James had already told him that Marlene was back, seeing her in front of him was a complete different matter.

His lips tugged upwards into a smile as he responded quietly, "So is this what I had to do to get you to play your guitar for me?"

[diedforthem.livejournal.com]

"No, I would've anyway, eventually," she said, leaning over and giving his shoulder a pat. "You look like hell. Do you feel like hell, too?"

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

"I've got to admit that I have felt better, but I'll be fine. I'm actually not sure what's worse," he added lightly, "the wounds I got or that I will have to be stuck in bed for a few days."

His smile widened. "But it is very good to see you. When did you get back?"

[diedforthem.livejournal.com]

"Bed, definitely." She grinned. "James and I will have to keep you entertained, I guess."

She paused and shrugged, strumming a chord on the guitar. "A couple days ago. It's still really confusing."

[5ofu2ofus.livejournal.com]

"I did plan on coming in in full nursing regalia," Fabian came around the corner and pulled up a stool. "but Caradoc said that would be too camp even for me."

He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a heavy, thick bar of Belgian chocolate. "Didn't know if Poppy would be confiscating it at the door."

His eyes ran over Remus, silently cataloging injuries and finally shaking his head. "It would have been very rude of you to check out just when the rest of us went to all this trouble to check back in. How you doin'?"

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

"Since you brought chocolate I suppose I will have to forgive you for not showing up in full nursing regalia, then."

His smile softened and he gave a small shrug. "I've been better, but overall I don't think I should complain. It...could have been much worse."

It had been very close to being much worse, after all. So very, very close.

"Besides," Remus added quietly, to try and lighten the conversation again, "we still have that poker game planned, yes? I didn't want you to win by default..."

[5ofu2ofus.livejournal.com]

"You're an easy man to please Remus Lupin." He rested his elbows on the edge of the bed. "Does look like a near thing now that you mention it."

A quick grin. "Not only the poker game, but I think I'm half in love with your wife. If you don't get out of this bed soon I may just have to run away with her."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

"Well I have never been particularly picky." Another shrug, smiling slightly. "Yes but I'll be fine. Just need a few days off, unfortunately."

"I can't say I'm that surprised that you're half in love with her already, actually," he added as his smile widened a bit. "But we already have plans on running away in a few days, so you're a bit late for that, mate."

[sayshisname.livejournal.com]

Harry had appeared originally in owl form, perched at a window, and watching from there. There was something to be said about a bit of distance to handle what has happened. He's proud that Remus won the fight, but his stomach is in knots at the damage that he incurred in doing so. From his spot he is able to keep watch over all three Lupins, as well as his godfather and the puppies.

He loses track of time this way, and finds himself able to handle this easier in this form. It's easier as an animal than a human to accept the nature of kill or be killed. Owls are hunters. Maybe that is why he can handle it better as Hooters.

After a few hours, he takes off in flight, to try and clear his head. When he returns it's morning so he has to teach. He showers, changes in into his clothes and robes, and conducts his class as if nothing has happened. It's just another day. Another battle won. Another injured soldier taken to heal in the infirmary.

By the end of the day he makes his way toward the infirmary and quietly takes a seat next to Remus' bed. His eyes scan every mark, every trace of Fenrir that remains, and for a moment nothing is said. He can't be angry, really, when this was Remus Lupin's fight more than anyone. But there is still traces of that seventeen year old boy who saw his mentor laying on a table next to his wife, both death.

"Well done. How are you feeling?" His tone is so quiet that he almost wonders if he spoke loud enough to be heard at all.

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

The moment Harry had walked in Remus just kept his eyes on him but didn't say anything, either. Part of him is still waiting for someone to confront him for what he did, make him see just how wrong and foolish he had been for facing Fenrir by himself, and since he still remembers the conversation he and Harry had had when he had broken the news, he half expects it to be him. Not that he would blame him, or anyone, really. Even if he is glad that Fenrir is dead, he has yet to feel proud of what he did.

His tone of voice, however, how quiet it is, gets to him more than if Harry had been raising his voice. The last thing he had wanted was to get his family worried, and Harry definitely falls in that category.

"A bit restless," he admits almost as quietly, "but better than how I had been earlier." Pauses for a moment before adding, "How are you?"

[sayshisname.livejournal.com]

"Relieved." It was the most honest answer he had. He looked Remus in the eyes and studied him for a moment. Harry wasn't sure what to say here. It wasn't like he could tell anyone they were wrong to go one on one with someone. He'd been trying to get Voldemort to take the bait to duel him.

He couldn't lie either. There was no way he could pretend that he hadn't been scared when he saw Remus lying in that bed. The restlessness he understood well. He'd felt the same way when he was there.

"You were very pale." His tone sounded weird to him. It was his own voice so he wasn't sure why it sounded so foreign to him. "I watched from the window, and I kept thinking about how pale and still you looked. It made me..." He stopped himself from continuing the thought as he looked away for a moment to compose himself.

"I get it, why you did it, but I need something from you, Remus. I absolutely need you to live through this war. Do whatever you have to to survive, and I do mean anything. Make no excuses for it, but I am begging you to live through this one."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

If there was one thing that Remus knew well, it was survivor's guilt. He knew what it was like to be the one that got left behind. The one that kept losing others while all he could do was watch because nothing seemed good enough to stop it. In the first war he had lost his friends. His best friends, the ones that had managed to make him feel like he belonged. In the second war he had lost his best friend for a second time, along with other friends and his own mentor.

So he understood Harry's fear. He understood at least some of what he was feeling, and he most definitely understood that need for reassurance.

What he didn't know, though, was what to say, exactly.

"Harry, you have my word that I will do everything in my power to live through this war. Everything. I will not be foolish enough to throw myself into battles that I know I will not win, and I think this served me as a lesson that dealing with things on my own when I don't know my opponent well enough is not the best approach. But I have every intention to live through this war.

"If I ever underestimated how much my family means to me," he continued, his voice even more quiet, "I don't now. I know how much you all mean to me, and the last thing I ever want is to lose you again. Last time I made many mistakes, and I must have made at least one in that last battle, but I am not willing to make more."

He paused once more, looking away briefly, but he turned back to him once he spoke again. "I'm sorry."

[sayshisname.livejournal.com]

"You don't owe me an apology." The was the last thing that Harry wanted or expected, really. That was the bugger of it all. He understood wanting to face Fenrir one on one and finishing it. How could he not? Was that not exactly what Harry wished to do with Voldemort?

Reaching out, he took one of Remus' hands in his own and squeezed it lightly. Sometimes it was the physical gestures that spoke louder than words. Survivor's guilt was hard to live with. Being the one left standing when everyone you loved fell was his nightmare.

The boy who lived had grown up to be a man who wasn't sure how to fight this war. Everyone had clear ideas for what should be done, but Harry couldn't grasp the perfect plan.

"He was yours. I understand that. You above anyone had to the right and perhaps the obligation to finish it. I understand that completely, Remus. I have my own to seek out. I just need everyone to remember that death comes so quickly. I..."

He paused and looked over at Padfoot who was sleeping. He looked to the bed where Severus had been, and then back at Remus. "It happens so quickly. In just an instant everything changes. One bad choice, one mistake can cost you everything, and I don't want us to be the ones to make those mistakes." He managed a half smile as he added, "You survived. That's all I asked for."

[oddlylunalu.livejournal.com]

Luna stood in the doorway of the infirmary for several long quiet moments just staring at Remus. She gulped a little, it wasn't a secret that everyone was cheering on the inside for his triumph over Fenrir, but the joy was hard to express when Remus was in the last place they wanted any of their loved ones to be. Taking in a deep breath, she approached him slowly, forcing a smile and placing a box of chocolate on the table. "I see I'm not the only one who was clever enough to smuggle in some chocolate." She said lightly, wrinkling her nose and taking a seat beside his bed.

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

Remus noticed the forced smile, but he didn't point it out. He just wished for the thousandth time that he hadn't gotten any of them worried over him.

"I think, somehow, the secret got out that I like chocolate," he said quietly with a small smile of his own. "But it's fine, I don't think I can ever really have enough."

[oddlylunalu.livejournal.com]

"Good, because I'm going to have a piece myself." She said grinning, trying to keep the mood light and reaching into the box for a piece. "I would ask you how you are doing, but I guess you've already heard that oh about a thousand times by now." She popped the piece of chocolate into her mouth, her eyebrows raising and a soft smile spreading across her face.

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

"By all means, please, have as much as you want." His smile widened a little, reassuringly. "I have, but I don't mind answering it again. I'm doing much better. I just need some days to rest, and I should be up and about soon." His voice softened. "The worst of it has passed, Luna."

[oddlylunalu.livejournal.com]

She grinned and brought her legs up wrapping her arms around her knees. "I'm just glad that you're okay...that you're going to be okay."