Remus J. Lupin

*locked*

Sometimes when I dream, it feels like there's someone else in there with me. It's rather strange, but my dreams are very...vivid. Good or bad they are vivid, and often when I wake up it takes me a bit longer than necessary to remind myself that I had simply been sleeping.

During the week prior to the full moon is worse. It... The feeling never truly goes away, how there is something lingering just beneath the surface, but the week leading up to the full moon is much worse. That thing that lives in me stirs more than usual. It breathes a little deeper, gaining life with each night that passes until it is ready to fully take over. During the day it is easier to fight it, but at night... At night it strikes with an unrelenting force. It does what I hold it back from doing during the day. It makes me relive my worst fears, and live new ones. Most of the time I harm someone I care about. There is so much blood all around me every time - blood that was shed because the wolf did it - and there is a laughter that just keeps echoing and that bloody voice, and...

It's him. I am sure it's him, because he was the one that passed that curse onto me. His curse is running through me, whether I want it to be or not, and I can never stop it. All I can do is live with it, and with those nightmares. Very few know just how strong my nightmares can be, and how they can shake me to the core, but I can never bring myself to tell them why or what they are about. They say I am nothing like him, but there is a part of him in me. And if they were to see that, I just--

All I can do is try to meet their eyes when I wake up without feeling even more disgusted at myself, because every morning I can still feel the blood sticking against my skin. All I can truly do is pray that they never get to see it.