In the infirmary...

[worldfromafar]

After this, and this. Open for RP, in case anyone wants to visit him. :)

PS: Even if he returns to the cottage with Tonks eventually for a few days, Remus can still receive visitors here or in the comm. <3


While he sleeps he can still hear him. He can hear his howls, and the snarls. The growling. Often he can still even feel the claws as they dig through his chest, the fangs as they bite into his throat and the way they rip his shoulder apart.

It all seems so real while he sleeps that, once he manages to wake up, it's hard to remember that it's over. That Fenrir Greyback is dead and that it's time to move on. Get better. Get out of here. That's what is important, isn't it?

Except, as his breathing returns back to normal after each dream and he does all he can to ignore the pain that ebbs and flows steadily throughout his body, his thoughts start to plague him. What if Fenrir hadn't died? And if he was dead... So many that were once dead were back once more. He himself had been dead not that long ago, hadn't he? So what, exactly, assured him that Fenrir wouldn't be back?

Perhaps it's because of those thoughts that he can't feel happy of his victory. He feels relief, sure, but there's not much more past that. Maybe it would come later, once his body stops aching over the smallest movement. Maybe it would sneak up to him at the most random moment.

Maybe it wouldn't even come.

But it's over, he reminds himself. For now that is all he tries to concentrate on. That, and the fact that in a couple of days he would be going home to finish recuperating if they managed to convince Poppy to let him go. Merlin, and he's certainly hoping that she'll do that because he already feels claustrophobic even if he has barely been there for a couple of days.

Not feeling tired enough to fall back asleep, Remus just stays where he is and stares blankly up at the ceiling as thoughts continue to take over.

Comments

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

"As if you really needed more help with that," Benjy muttered, sounding almost like he took Greyback's behavior as a personal affront. But that was just Benjy, always taking it to heart when bad things happened to people he particularly liked.

"Anyway, some people find scars quite attractive." The smile that formed on his lips was slight but still managed to be sly. "Your wife happen to be one of them?"

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

Remus wasn't surprised by Benjy's muttering; if anything, the familiarity of hearing him say that and just having his old friend there already helped in making him feel better.

At the last, and with that smile, he finally chuckled under his breath. Once again it proved to be the wrong thing to do, but he didn't mind it at all. "Actually, she is. I lucked out. She is...wonderful. Have you had a chance to meet her yet?"

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

"Not yet, no, but I wouldn't expect anybody who was anything less than wonderful to be able to get you to stop worrying about being a burden long enough to even make it past about a third date, let alone to get you to marry them. She must be quite stubborn." He couldn't keep his smile from widening. "My expectations are high."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

His lips tugged upwards into a small grin. "I am certain she will meet all those expectations. If you two don't cross paths before I get a chance, I will make sure to introduce you soon."

A beat. "I don't know if I said this to you already, since things are a bit hazy still, but it really is so good to have you back..."

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

"Well, thanks. It's good to be back. Or at least ... I think it is..." He frowned a bit then and rubbed at the back of his neck in typical thinking!Benjy fashion. "I didn't mean to bring it up this visit. I only planned to chat for a while and then let you rest for now. But that's too perfect a segue to pass up.

"See, I've been doing a lot of asking around and reading, catching up on what's been going on in the world and with my friends in the seems-like-a-bajillion years I've been gone. And nobody seems to know why we're all coming back now. What's more, it appears people have only just started questioning it." He sounded slightly incredulous. Indeed, Benjy couldn't fathom the idea of anyone not completely jumping on solving the puzzle of why people -- especially these people in particular -- were coming back from the dead. He'd personally been blown to pieces for Merlin's sake, and yet here he was, apparently good as new. It made no sense at all and while Benjy was of the opinion that a little nonsense was necessary from time to time, this was really pushing it.

"So, I was thinking that before the damn cavalry get impatient and take up their swords and jump on their horses and charge off to die fighting answers out of people who might not even have them, we maybe ought to have a go with some more subtle methods of getting answers first. Research, mostly. Maybe a little cloak and dagger work. That was always our bag, we were better at it than most of the others, so I thought maybe we ought to work together again. It's too big a question for just one person to answer, I think."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

"People have questioned it, we just have yet to find an answer." He smiled very slightly as he continued. "I actually started research the day I got back, because I could not just accept that I was back, just like that. But you're right, it is too big a question for just one person, so working together would be brilliant."

He took a slow deep breath. "If you want my opinion on the matter, I think all this started because someone tried to bring back Voldemort. I can't imagine any other type of magic that would just...create a shift that would bring back people from the dead, just like that.

"I don't know if it is because I keep thinking of that damn veil at the Department of Mysteries," he continued somewhat wryly, his voice growing even more quiet since that was still a very touchy subject for him, "but I keep picturing some sort of...portal. Something that was opened to bring back him back. If things got too uncontrolled, it could explain why others were able to make their way back as well so easily."

He had to pause for a moment, to gather his thoughts and to catch his breath, but soon after he continued. "After I got back, I kept thinking the Wolfsbane potion wouldn't work. It was invented to ease the transformations of werewolves every month and aids the person to keep their own mind once the transformation takes place. I would drink it throughout the week prior to the transformation and I would be able to simply sleep rather than harm myself or wanting to harm others. If... If we would have been back by dark magic and were bound by it, I thought the effects of the Wolfsbane wouldn't take effect on me since werewolves are dark creatures. I thought I would become into a bigger monster than what I used to be before the potion.

"The transformation that month was different," he continued, turning back to him. "I didn't harm anyone, but there were moments when I would not be able to control the wolf from wanting to go out and harming others. The moments would be brief, however, and eventually the potion would start working once more, but it is unsettling that it didn't work as well as it once did." He sighed. "Of course, I am not sure if it is simply because I was dead for nineteen years, or if it was Dark Magic. I had been planning on testing it again this past full moon but... Well." He smiled slightly, wryly. "I had a date with Fenrir that I could not postpone."

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

"What I wonder is, why are these specific people the ones coming back? I mean, it can't be all that widespread, else it would be all over the news. Muggles especially would just ... panic," he mused aloud. "And I can't speak for anyone else but it isn't as if I was lurking around the edges of the afterlife looking for a hole in the fence. One moment I was leaving St. Mungo's, debating if I was too tired to stop at the all-night fish and chips place on the way home or if I was too hungry to go home without stopping for food on the way, and there was a blinding flash. And the next moment I was waking up on a park bench, slumped against a bum who was drooling on my shoulder, and decades had passed. So ... why me? I just don't get it."

Benjy paused, sighing and shaking his head a little. "I read about that Wolfsbane stuff. D'you think I could get in on helping with it this month? I'm glad someone came up with it and I'd like to see what I was doing wrong. I didn't think I was far from something like it but then I got blown up which rather put a damper on things... Anyway, I was third best at Potions our year, after Snape and Lily, so now that you're done with the battle for the position of Alpha Male and can go back to testing the potion, I can help tweak it to try to get it working the way it did before. Or better."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

"No, I do not think it's widespread. In fact, if you look at the...pattern - if you can call it that - they are all people who died fighting in either war. On one side or another. If the initial purpose was to bring Voldemort back for another chance at war, perhaps we just got lucky and were given our own second chance at fighting in it again. You were part of the Order, Benjy. Are part of the Order, and you died over the bloody war; of course you would be given another chance."

Remus smiled slightly. "As far as the potion goes, you would have to ask Dora about that. You probably remember, but I was never good at potions and the Wolfsbane is a particularly difficult one. But this upcoming month I was thinking about trying it without any modifications, just so I can test whether or not the reason why it didn't work how it used to was because of how long I had been dead. Or...if there is a residual of dark magic in me, if my theory is in fact correct."

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

Benjy just nodded, frowning a little and rubbing the back of his neck in thought as he listened to Remus' thoughts and theories. Just getting lucky wasn't a good enough explanation for him, though. Once Remus was out of here, they'd definitely have to dive into the research again.

When the subject of the potion came up again, Benjy mirrored Remus' smile. "Yes, I remember how hopeless you were at Potions. Slightly less horrible than Peter, which is why Slughorn always paired him with Lily and you with me.

"I read it was Damocles Belby who came up with Wolfsbane, and got awarded the Order of Merlin for it. That bastard," he said, though his tone was light and he obviously held no real grudge. "He worked in the bite ward with me at St. Mungo's. I'll bet he just picked up where I left off when I died."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

Remus was actually already planning on starting his research as soon as Poppy would let him leave the infirmary to recuperate at home. ...all right, maybe not that soon since he didn't want to get Tonks too worried about him, but he was definitely planning on doing a lot of reading whenever he had a chance.

Peter's name brought a mix of a sad and slightly bitter smile to his lips, and he couldn't help but wonder if someone had informed Benjy about what Peter had done. But, instead of asking, he just gave a faint nod to say that he remembered that part as well. Merlin, and it felt so long since then...

"He might have, if you weren't that far from it," Remus responded with a slightly bigger smile. "If he did, however, it took him about ten years since you...stopped your own work for it. It was still a relatively new discovery nineteen years ago."

He couldn't say 'since you died.' The word just seemed to get stuck in his throat.

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

"Well, the hardest part of it was trying to find people who were willing to risk testing it. Belby... He would've had the smarts to perfect the potion, without a doubt, but he didn't have the bedside manner it took to get test subjects. If it took him another ten years, I'd be willing to bet almost anything that's what held him up so long." He grinned and his gaze slid slightly out of focus, as if he was actually looking back in time. "I nearly lost one subject when she threatened to quit after I gave her three weeks' worth of hiccups one month, boils on her arse the next month, and puce skin the month after that... Took a lot of charm to keep her on the project."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

At first Remus just blinked before he started laughing. Actually laughing, which he hadn't done in days. It hurt, and it probably showed, but it felt good to laugh.

"You know," he said after a moment with a wince, but a full grin on his face, "you are very lucky you have that charm of yours. I would say I'm surprised she stayed on that project, but I know you well enough to know better."

[notjustbitsnow.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Merlin, don't do that," Benjy said, laughing along with Remus. "Poppy's going to come in here and kill me!"

He grinned and shrugged a little. "Come on, though. Wouldn't you put up with a few boils on your arse if it would end up working to benefit yourself and your fellow werewolves? That was always the best angle. Nearly anyone who was brave enough to volunteer for experimental potion testing in the first place was in it to help others. That's why I don't particularly care if Belby got his recognition by using my work. I wasn't looking for fame; I just wanted to help."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

"You could try your charm on Poppy in case she does try to kill you," he said with a somewhat cheeky grin. "We can see if maybe this time around you'll have better luck at it."

Taking another slow deep breath, he adjusted his position slightly to get comfortable. "...I would put up with all that, yes." He paused for a moment, looking away briefly. "At first I am not sure I would be so willing, however, simply because I still remember all those...experiments that were done when I was a child and my parents insisted on a cure."

He gave a small shrug with his good shoulder before turning to him with a somewhat guilty expression. "It's somewhat difficult to move past that at first," he explained, "but eventually I manage to." A beat. "But if there are any experiments that can be done to figure out if Dark Magic really is affecting my transformations, in case that is the reason why we're back, then by all means we need to do them. As soon as possible, too."