Haunting Memories.
Sep. 24th, 2007 03:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
worldfromafarWarning: Somewhat(?) disturbing imagery ahead.
He can't fight it off. He can't stop it.
He can't fight off that sense of panic as he runs. He can't stop the way his stomach churns and twists, the way his mind seems to stop working as he runs as quickly as he can. The cold night air seems to steal away whatever air he manages to breathe in, freezing it in his lungs and suddenly making it so hard to keep running.
But he has to. He has to keep running, as fast as he can.
Then again, how fast can a six-almost-seven year old run?
He can hear him breathing behind him. He can hear the panting, the growling, the taunting and it takes all he has to not start crying. 'Leave me alone,' he wants to yell out. 'Leave me alone!!'
The words get caught in his throat, however, and suddenly he's on the ground as claws dig themselves deep into his skin. It is then that he remembers his mother, warning him about going off into the forest by himself when it was dark. He remembers his father's tales, about the dangers that lurked around even if he couldn't see them.
But he had been too curious. He had always been too curious.
More panting. More growling. More snarling, and now it's so close. Merlin, it's so close and Remus flinches as he tries to move away but the hot breath is so close to his ear that it's hard to move away. It's hard to ignore it, the way it lodges itself deep in his memory at once.
And suddenly it happens. There's a pain so strong, so blinding that suddenly takes over that Remus no longer knows what's real and what's not. He can feel each bit of skin as it tears, he can feel the helplessness as he tries to fight off the werewolf that is attacking him, but at the same time he can't feel anything. He doesn't feel the hot tears that are rolling down his cheeks, or the few screams he allows himself to yell out before the pain doesn't let him anymore.
'Leave me alone. Leave me alone...'
Instead of saying anything his eyes just clench shut. There are other voices now, there are some screams that are no longer his own, but Remus doesn't open his eyes even when he feels the weight of the werewolf off of his body. He doesn't move once he no longer feels those claws and those fangs in his skin, or even when there's a desperate but gentle touch over his face.
'Leave me alone...'
When he opens his eyes he's no longer by where he grew up; now he's in the Shrieking Shack. His whole body is aching, his head is throbbing, and a quick glance out the window allows him to see that he just has seconds before the transformation.
And no matter what he does he can't fight it. He can't stop it.
The sound of snarling, of panting and growling is suddenly the only thing he can hear as pain burns him from the inside, but now it doesn't belong to Greyback. It belongs to himself. It belongs to the wolf he becomes - that beast that is desperate to look for food.
But there's no food. There's no way out, and the beast paces. It snarls. It growls, and it howls before the frustration gets to be too much and he starts biting and scratching himself. It hurts, and he howls even louder as he digs his own claws deeper and deeper into his skin, but it doesn't matter. It's the next best thing.
He can't fight it. He cannot stop it.
Suddenly there's another shift, and he's no longer in the shack. He's not back home, either. Now he's in the forest, and he's running again. But now he's no longer a child, nor is he a man; he is the wolf.
And he's not being chased because he's the one doing the chase. He's the one that's hunting.
Suddenly he sees them. He sees Greyback, transformed as well, and he's towering over a boy on the ground. He's snarling in his ear, terrifying the boy, but before he can stop it Fenrir delivers the bite. It freezes Remus for half a second before fury replaces helplessness, and he lunges towards him, and--
His eyes flutter open suddenly, but that's the only movement he makes at first. The room is so still that, as he starts to become aware of what's surrounding him, he begins to wonder whether Tonks can hear how loudly and how wildly his heart is thumping in his chest. His breathing is ragged, so out of order, but he doesn't notice. Or maybe he just doesn't care, because all his body seems to be able to do at the moment is stare up at the ceiling above him.
'It wasn't real,' he tries to say to himself but the message doesn't get across. It barely even registers because the dream had been so vivid; he can still feel the way his skin was mangled, and he can feel the pain, and the blood...
It is then that he finally sits up, coughing in disgust as he can still taste it, but he's somehow able to keep his stomach somewhat settled as he swings his legs over the edge of the bed and tries to calm himself down. He's so worn out, however, that he can barely sit up straight for long and before he knows it his elbows need to lean against his knees for support.
He didn't want those dreams. He didn't want those memories, of when he had gotten bitten.
But he couldn't fight them off. He couldn't stop them.
Resting his forehead on his hands, Remus suddenly realizes that he's covered in a cold sweat and he just sighs as he closes his eyes. Here was his big nightmare of the month, he thinks wryly; at least it didn't disappoint.
And at least he hadn't killed anyone in it this time.
He can't fight it off. He can't stop it.
He can't fight off that sense of panic as he runs. He can't stop the way his stomach churns and twists, the way his mind seems to stop working as he runs as quickly as he can. The cold night air seems to steal away whatever air he manages to breathe in, freezing it in his lungs and suddenly making it so hard to keep running.
But he has to. He has to keep running, as fast as he can.
Then again, how fast can a six-almost-seven year old run?
He can hear him breathing behind him. He can hear the panting, the growling, the taunting and it takes all he has to not start crying. 'Leave me alone,' he wants to yell out. 'Leave me alone!!'
The words get caught in his throat, however, and suddenly he's on the ground as claws dig themselves deep into his skin. It is then that he remembers his mother, warning him about going off into the forest by himself when it was dark. He remembers his father's tales, about the dangers that lurked around even if he couldn't see them.
But he had been too curious. He had always been too curious.
More panting. More growling. More snarling, and now it's so close. Merlin, it's so close and Remus flinches as he tries to move away but the hot breath is so close to his ear that it's hard to move away. It's hard to ignore it, the way it lodges itself deep in his memory at once.
And suddenly it happens. There's a pain so strong, so blinding that suddenly takes over that Remus no longer knows what's real and what's not. He can feel each bit of skin as it tears, he can feel the helplessness as he tries to fight off the werewolf that is attacking him, but at the same time he can't feel anything. He doesn't feel the hot tears that are rolling down his cheeks, or the few screams he allows himself to yell out before the pain doesn't let him anymore.
'Leave me alone. Leave me alone...'
Instead of saying anything his eyes just clench shut. There are other voices now, there are some screams that are no longer his own, but Remus doesn't open his eyes even when he feels the weight of the werewolf off of his body. He doesn't move once he no longer feels those claws and those fangs in his skin, or even when there's a desperate but gentle touch over his face.
'Leave me alone...'
When he opens his eyes he's no longer by where he grew up; now he's in the Shrieking Shack. His whole body is aching, his head is throbbing, and a quick glance out the window allows him to see that he just has seconds before the transformation.
And no matter what he does he can't fight it. He can't stop it.
The sound of snarling, of panting and growling is suddenly the only thing he can hear as pain burns him from the inside, but now it doesn't belong to Greyback. It belongs to himself. It belongs to the wolf he becomes - that beast that is desperate to look for food.
But there's no food. There's no way out, and the beast paces. It snarls. It growls, and it howls before the frustration gets to be too much and he starts biting and scratching himself. It hurts, and he howls even louder as he digs his own claws deeper and deeper into his skin, but it doesn't matter. It's the next best thing.
He can't fight it. He cannot stop it.
Suddenly there's another shift, and he's no longer in the shack. He's not back home, either. Now he's in the forest, and he's running again. But now he's no longer a child, nor is he a man; he is the wolf.
And he's not being chased because he's the one doing the chase. He's the one that's hunting.
Suddenly he sees them. He sees Greyback, transformed as well, and he's towering over a boy on the ground. He's snarling in his ear, terrifying the boy, but before he can stop it Fenrir delivers the bite. It freezes Remus for half a second before fury replaces helplessness, and he lunges towards him, and--
His eyes flutter open suddenly, but that's the only movement he makes at first. The room is so still that, as he starts to become aware of what's surrounding him, he begins to wonder whether Tonks can hear how loudly and how wildly his heart is thumping in his chest. His breathing is ragged, so out of order, but he doesn't notice. Or maybe he just doesn't care, because all his body seems to be able to do at the moment is stare up at the ceiling above him.
'It wasn't real,' he tries to say to himself but the message doesn't get across. It barely even registers because the dream had been so vivid; he can still feel the way his skin was mangled, and he can feel the pain, and the blood...
It is then that he finally sits up, coughing in disgust as he can still taste it, but he's somehow able to keep his stomach somewhat settled as he swings his legs over the edge of the bed and tries to calm himself down. He's so worn out, however, that he can barely sit up straight for long and before he knows it his elbows need to lean against his knees for support.
He didn't want those dreams. He didn't want those memories, of when he had gotten bitten.
But he couldn't fight them off. He couldn't stop them.
Resting his forehead on his hands, Remus suddenly realizes that he's covered in a cold sweat and he just sighs as he closes his eyes. Here was his big nightmare of the month, he thinks wryly; at least it didn't disappoint.
And at least he hadn't killed anyone in it this time.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-09-25 04:53 pm (UTC)"Let's try to sleep off a bit of that tiredness."
no subject
Date: 2007-09-25 06:04 pm (UTC)"I love you," he murmured as he closed his eyes. Even if he was almost sure he wouldn't be able to sleep - it was always hard to do so after a nightmare - he really was going to make at least an effort.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-25 07:13 pm (UTC)