worldfromafar | mind_the_muse: Ten moments you felt alive.

[covers canon and RP history; the last two are out of order because... ...well, you'll figure it out, I'm sure. :) ]

1. The sound isn't foreign, exactly, but even as he hears it he can't fight off that sensation that it sounds like it belongs to someone else. Someone that isn't him - that eleven year old boy that has just eaten too much candy from the trolley because one James Potter insisted on buying almost the whole lot for himself and the three other people he is sharing the compartment with.

Nonetheless, the sound is his. One that isn't forced, or fake. It's just a laugh, as he listens to his classmates talk.

He had known already that he was going to love Hogwarts, but this is just confirmation that he can't wait for the next seven years.

2. His hair is black as ink. That had been the first thing he had noticed years ago, when they had first taken the train to Hogwarts, and it's what he suddenly thinks as his fingers rake slowly through it. It's so soft, too.

Black as ink, and soft as silk.

The comparisons stop for a moment, however, as his lips connect with his, and without being aware of it he brings him closer to him to deepen the kiss.

His hair is black as ink, soft as silk.

And, suddenly he realizes, he tastes better than chocolate.

3. The full moon is high in the sky, illuminating the school grounds. This is theirs. All of it is theirs as they run, and Moony turns just briefly over his shoulder to see the stag running next to him with the rat clinging on for dear life, and the black dog running on his other side.

His attention shifts over to the open spaces ahead of him and he tries to outrun them, even if he knows that they'll soon catch up anyway. But it's a game, one that the wolf enjoys, and he lets out a howl that is no longer filled with pain to let them know just that.

4. His students are waiting for him, and Remus takes a slow deep breath as he enters the classroom. Is he nervous? Merlin, yes he's nervous. A part of him is terrified of letting Dumbledore down. He's horrified of being a worst professor to his best friends' son than the ones he had already had. There are doubts clouding his mind, reminding him that it had been better for him to live in the outskirts of the world he had once known, but before they can make him show any of that nervousness all eyes are on him.

His students.

"If you would please get your wands ready," he begins clearly, his voice strong as it contradicts everything he's feeling inside, and watches as the students prepare for the lesson.

His students.

He's going to have to thank Dumbledore later - again - for giving him this opportunity, he thinks as the doubts that had been ringing in his head become less loud.

5. Remus can't take his eyes away from him.

He knows he should, of course. Harry and his friends - his students - are in the room, but no matter how hard he tries to look away he can't. All he can do is take in how Sirius looks. How weary and tired he seems, how Azkaban had clearly left a mark in him that was deeper than he would ever get a chance to know.

I'm sorry, he wants to say. I'm so sorry for not believing you. For not getting you out. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

The words die in his throat, though, before any apology can actually be made and instead of talking Remus steps closer to him and wraps his arms around him.

I'm sorry. I will never let you go again. I will never let anyone hurt you again.

But he can't talk. For a moment everything is suddenly too overwhelming, because it finally feels as if air has managed to return to his lungs after twelve long, agonizing years.

6. Even if Remus had helped in getting the house ready, as he looks around he can barely believe that he's standing in Grimmauld Place. It looks nothing how it had been in the summer, so gloomy and dark. Now it's Christmas, and the place looks as festive as it can be. Including the troll heads that decorate the place.

There's a sudden laughter, that barking laughter, followed by Harry's, Ron's, Hermione's, the twins' and Tonks', and Remus can't help but grin as he watches from the entrance of the room. After years he had learned to try to ignore holidays, but this year he's extremely glad that he isn't. It's unfortunate as to why the children are all at Headquarters, and they are all very concerned for Arthur, but he can't help but focus on the silver lining in the situation. That they are all together, as a family, and enjoying Christmas.

7. It's been months since Sirius went through the veil. Remus still feels like the air has been knocked out of him since that night, and if one manages to get behind the carefully placed mask he presents the world to avoid questions of how he is they will see how haunted and even dead he really is, but tonight that doesn't seem to exist.

Tonks is telling him a story about something or another that she and Moody had done in a mission for the Order months ago. If he's honest he would regretfully admit that he hadn't been paying attention at first, because he had been trying to avoid any sort of contact with anybody, but as Tonks continued with her story he couldn't help but listen.

And, before he realizes what's going on, there's a sound coming out of him that he hadn't believed existed anymore because he's suddenly laughing. It's quiet, but it's there nonetheless, and later on it won't really matter what she had been telling him, exactly. It was that, at that particular moment, he hadn't felt as dead as he had been that morning.

8. He really doesn't know how many brownies he has eaten by now. He really doesn't care, he finds out, because the triple chocolate - and triple weed - brownies are brilliant. Fantastic. Amazing. Give him a few minutes, and he'll probably rattle off a few more adjectives to describe just how fabulous it all feels right about now.

Instead of creating that particular list, however, he suddenly catches a particular expression on Harry's face when he sees what the lava blobs are doing, and Remus laughs.

He laughs.

Not his quiet laugh. Not his chuckle. Not forced, and most definitely not fake; this is what Remus' laughter really sounds like. Natural. Happy, as he throws his head back and his shoulders shake even if he's sinking into the beanbag chair he's sitting in.

He's definitely going to need to ask Harry to bake these brownies more often.

9. Remus' eyes close as he feels the way lips connect against his skin. The trail moves slowly along his neck until they reach that familiar spot just below his earlobe, and the sensation makes him let out a low moan at once. Especially as fingers begin to move slowly down along his abdomen.

"You're going to be the death of me," Remus breathes out in what sounds like a mix of a whisper and a groan.

"Mm, I can stop, if you'd like," comes the murmured response, and Remus feels the way his lips tug into a smile.

Of course he doesn't want this to stop, he answers with another low moan, tightening his hold; he wants this sensation to never end.

10. Every time one of his children smiles at him, Remus feels alive. It doesn't matter how sick he's feeling, or how low his spirits are. It doesn't matter how angry he may be at something, or what the situation is around him. From the oldest to the youngest, from the ones that bear his last name to the ones that he considers as his even if he has no blood bond with them, whenever he looks at them he feels rejuvenated. As if he has done something in this life to be worthy of them.

He can swear that his heart melts a little at the reminder that he's a father, but he can also swear that his heart beats stronger than it ever has because of them.