writers_muses: 26.6. Time.

[worldfromafar]

Just a quick note from the mun: With this post Remus is back to the house (in grownhp6words 'verse), so anyone in the house is welcome to react to this. Same goes with anyone wanting to just drop by even if they aren't at the house, by the way. Different threads are welcome. Also, the icon does not necessarily reflect how he looks when he walks in the house (saying this just in case); it's mostly how he's feeling internally. This can be used in bendy-time so it can be placed before the protest, etc.


Time. That's what Remus had asked for when he had left, hadn't he? Time to sort himself out. Time to figure out what had happened the night of the full moon. Time to go back to being that person that he had been just a month ago.

In all the time he was away, Remus did learn something and he learned it well. Or, rather, he re-learned that lesson because once upon a time he had been an expert at that subject.

Time had nothing to do with anything. Time didn't really fix things. Time allowed to find a way of dealing with situations, but it wasn't necessarily dealing with whatever the problem was. It was just to find a simple solution; or at least the one that seemed as simple. It was easy to find a way to not focus so much on something.

He had been gone almost a month from his family and, even if he had felt guilty the whole time, he knew he had done the right thing. The children didn't need to see him how he had been and, while he still believed that, Anna Min's gift had jolted Remus in a way that nothing else had. It reminded him that, no matter how much he could try to force himself to remember, or how much he could try to focus on something else rather than the guilt and everything else that was eating him alive, time still passed. Time had kept passing, and he was being a horrible father and husband.

In a way now he had something new to focus on. It wasn't that night where it had all gone wrong. It wasn't the fact that he had woken up covered in blood after a transformation. It wasn't that he couldn't remember what had happened. Now he had to focus on his children. On his family. They needed him, and that was what mattered.

Taking one last glimpse into the mirror, Remus could see the time that had passed reflected in his eyes. That was another reason why he avoided mirrors lately - they showed too much. Part of him was worried he'd look up to see the wolf sketched along his figures, and the other part hated to see what was left behind. He hated to see what he hid from everyone with polite smiles, and normal conversations. Behind all that there was just...nothing. A blank. Time had passed, and it reflected in how weary he really looked once he stopped smiling. His hair had more specks of gray than before, and whatever weight he would normally gain before the full moon was nonexistent now.

He was different. Dora didn't know the details from him on why, exactly, he had stayed away from home but things had changed. Drastically. That much he had said, more than once. To her, and to those he confided in.

Things weren't the same.

He wasn't the same.

Like it had been happening lately, however, as soon as he set foot in the house once leaving Hogwarts, the mask was firmly in place without him being fully aware of it. That had been his way of dealing with things once, and it had stuck for the rest of his life. Time had taught him that. Fit the role, play the part, and do things right. That had been some sort of motto throughout various parts of his life, and this wasn't the exception. He would do whatever he had to do to be like the husband, and the father, he was supposed to be.

Comments

[shy-sly-lupin.livejournal.com]

If Anna Min hadn't already read this book a dozen times, she would have no real idea what was going on because she'd been concentrating too hard on listening for footsteps. Eventually she heard them and her toes curled with anticipation. Would he spot the light and know somebody was in here? The knock actually made her jump a little; she'd been hopelessly pessimistic lately, so she hadn't really expected him to stop to talk, even if he realized she was there.

Part of her wanted to let go and indulge in that full-tilt running but the hurt and pessimistic side of her brain reminded her that he still might not really be back. He might just be saying hello before disappearing again for another month or maybe even forever. So Anna Min stayed where she was and smiled back at her father, making an effort (and mostly succeeding) not to look as scared as she was.

"Hi, Daddy."

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

The thing was, he could feel the fear. Blame Moony, for being so damn near the surface still. Right now Remus refused to really focus on that, however, because how he felt didn't really matter. It mattered how his children felt. How they were doing.

And, obviously, 'not well' would be a correct assessment.

Lips quirking upwards a bit more, he walked towards her and knelt on the floor in front of her before leaning over to kiss her forehead.

"What are you reading, love?"

[shy-sly-lupin.livejournal.com]

Anna Min's expression twitched slightly at the kiss. She wasn't sure if she wanted to yell at him for going away or cry (for about a million reasons) or what. She was still working hard to stay calm, like everything was perfectly normal now that he was here, though. It took another moment's hesitation but she leaned to rest her head against his shoulder.

"Wodehouse," she answered, closing a finger between the pages so he could look at the cover. A lot of adults didn't understand the humor in Wodehouse, but Anna Min thought it was a riot. She read it when her usual fare, which tended to be depressing and contemplative and deep, got to be too heavy. And sometimes she read it when she was just plain stressed, which happened more often than it ought to because of the amount of time she spent (over)thinking.

"I'm glad you liked your birthday present," Anna Min murmured before her father could make a comment about the mood she had to be in to read Wodehouse.

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

Truth was, Remus knew well enough that he deserved the yelling. He half expected it, actually, and a part of him wished one of them would do it already. Because he did deserve it. Because they had every right to do it. Because he shouldn't have stayed away for so long.

When he saw the book, he felt the way his heart tightened and unconsciously he kissed the top of her head very gently. In a way to apologize, to tell her things would be all right even if he had no idea if that was the case or not.

"It was lovely," Remus said quietly in return as he wrapped an arm around her to hug her. "You are very talented, you know. The music is perfect."

[shy-sly-lupin.livejournal.com]

'Thank you' would have been the appropriate response. "You were gone for a long time," was what actually came out of her mouth. She leaned into the embrace a little but still didn't return the hug yet. That would be a sign of forgiveness. Everybody in this family was so quick to forgive and usually Anna Min really loved that about them. But this time she didn't think it should be so easy. This time it wasn't breaking a wand or eating a biscuit after being told 'no' or even saying something really hurtful. This time it was essentially abandonment. Anna Min hadn't known what that felt like before and she wished she still didn't.

[r-moony.livejournal.com]

"You're right, I was. I didn't mean to stay away for as long as I did. I just..."

What, he had to stay away? He knew his children were brilliant and would probably understand if he told them the whole truth about why he had felt the need to stay away, but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"...I made a mistake, and I really am sorry. I'm not... I won't be going away anymore, however."

[shy-sly-lupin.livejournal.com]

Anna Min pulled back enough to study her father's face carefully, searching for any signs that he didn't completely mean his words. There were none, so she nodded slightly and finally set her book aside to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him tightly.

"Promise not to disappear like that again?" she asked, just to be sure. It wasn't the length of time he'd been away that bothered her so much. It was the not knowing where he was or when (or even if) he was going to come back. "Mistakes are okay, as long as you don't keep making the same one over and over. Next time I won't talk to you anymore." That wasn't true at all -- there was nothing she wouldn't eventually forgive him -- and they both knew it, but she wanted it to be true, and that meant just as much.