worldfromafar | In the infirmary...

Current Location: Hogwarts' infirmary.

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In the infirmary...

After this, and this. Open for RP, in case anyone wants to visit him. :)

PS: Even if he returns to the cottage with Tonks eventually for a few days, Remus can still receive visitors here or in the comm. <3

While he sleeps he can still hear him. He can hear his howls, and the snarls. The growling. Often he can still even feel the claws as they dig through his chest, the fangs as they bite into his throat and the way they rip his shoulder apart.

It all seems so real while he sleeps that, once he manages to wake up, it's hard to remember that it's over. That Fenrir Greyback is dead and that it's time to move on. Get better. Get out of here. That's what is important, isn't it?

Except, as his breathing returns back to normal after each dream and he does all he can to ignore the pain that ebbs and flows steadily throughout his body, his thoughts start to plague him. What if Fenrir hadn't died? And if he was dead... So many that were once dead were back once more. He himself had been dead not that long ago, hadn't he? So what, exactly, assured him that Fenrir wouldn't be back?

Perhaps it's because of those thoughts that he can't feel happy of his victory. He feels relief, sure, but there's not much more past that. Maybe it would come later, once his body stops aching over the smallest movement. Maybe it would sneak up to him at the most random moment.

Maybe it wouldn't even come.

But it's over, he reminds himself. For now that is all he tries to concentrate on. That, and the fact that in a couple of days he would be going home to finish recuperating if they managed to convince Poppy to let him go. Merlin, and he's certainly hoping that she'll do that because he already feels claustrophobic even if he has barely been there for a couple of days.

Not feeling tired enough to fall back asleep, Remus just stays where he is and stares blankly up at the ceiling as thoughts continue to take over.

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"Well I have never been particularly picky." Another shrug, smiling slightly. "Yes but I'll be fine. Just need a few days off, unfortunately."

"I can't say I'm that surprised that you're half in love with her already, actually," he added as his smile widened a bit. "But we already have plans on running away in a few days, so you're a bit late for that, mate."

The moment Harry had walked in Remus just kept his eyes on him but didn't say anything, either. Part of him is still waiting for someone to confront him for what he did, make him see just how wrong and foolish he had been for facing Fenrir by himself, and since he still remembers the conversation he and Harry had had when he had broken the news, he half expects it to be him. Not that he would blame him, or anyone, really. Even if he is glad that Fenrir is dead, he has yet to feel proud of what he did.

His tone of voice, however, how quiet it is, gets to him more than if Harry had been raising his voice. The last thing he had wanted was to get his family worried, and Harry definitely falls in that category.

"A bit restless," he admits almost as quietly, "but better than how I had been earlier." Pauses for a moment before adding, "How are you?"

"I've got to admit that I have felt better, but I'll be fine. I'm actually not sure what's worse," he added lightly, "the wounds I got or that I will have to be stuck in bed for a few days."

His smile widened. "But it is very good to see you. When did you get back?"

"Relieved." It was the most honest answer he had. He looked Remus in the eyes and studied him for a moment. Harry wasn't sure what to say here. It wasn't like he could tell anyone they were wrong to go one on one with someone. He'd been trying to get Voldemort to take the bait to duel him.

He couldn't lie either. There was no way he could pretend that he hadn't been scared when he saw Remus lying in that bed. The restlessness he understood well. He'd felt the same way when he was there.

"You were very pale." His tone sounded weird to him. It was his own voice so he wasn't sure why it sounded so foreign to him. "I watched from the window, and I kept thinking about how pale and still you looked. It made me..." He stopped himself from continuing the thought as he looked away for a moment to compose himself.

"I get it, why you did it, but I need something from you, Remus. I absolutely need you to live through this war. Do whatever you have to to survive, and I do mean anything. Make no excuses for it, but I am begging you to live through this one."

"Bed, definitely." She grinned. "James and I will have to keep you entertained, I guess."

She paused and shrugged, strumming a chord on the guitar. "A couple days ago. It's still really confusing."

If there was one thing that Remus knew well, it was survivor's guilt. He knew what it was like to be the one that got left behind. The one that kept losing others while all he could do was watch because nothing seemed good enough to stop it. In the first war he had lost his friends. His best friends, the ones that had managed to make him feel like he belonged. In the second war he had lost his best friend for a second time, along with other friends and his own mentor.

So he understood Harry's fear. He understood at least some of what he was feeling, and he most definitely understood that need for reassurance.

What he didn't know, though, was what to say, exactly.

"Harry, you have my word that I will do everything in my power to live through this war. Everything. I will not be foolish enough to throw myself into battles that I know I will not win, and I think this served me as a lesson that dealing with things on my own when I don't know my opponent well enough is not the best approach. But I have every intention to live through this war.

"If I ever underestimated how much my family means to me," he continued, his voice even more quiet, "I don't now. I know how much you all mean to me, and the last thing I ever want is to lose you again. Last time I made many mistakes, and I must have made at least one in that last battle, but I am not willing to make more."

He paused once more, looking away briefly, but he turned back to him once he spoke again. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you." He let out a brief chuckle under his breath. "I look forward to seeing what you two come up with."

"Is there anything I can help you with, to ease that confusion?" He gave a small shrug. "I know how disconcerting it is, this sudden...change."

"Knowing James, I'm sure it'll be really fun." She set down her guitar on the bed, looking very amused.

"I -- dunno. I sort of know what's been going on, James gave me a brief rundown."

"You don't owe me an apology." The was the last thing that Harry wanted or expected, really. That was the bugger of it all. He understood wanting to face Fenrir one on one and finishing it. How could he not? Was that not exactly what Harry wished to do with Voldemort?

Reaching out, he took one of Remus' hands in his own and squeezed it lightly. Sometimes it was the physical gestures that spoke louder than words. Survivor's guilt was hard to live with. Being the one left standing when everyone you loved fell was his nightmare.

The boy who lived had grown up to be a man who wasn't sure how to fight this war. Everyone had clear ideas for what should be done, but Harry couldn't grasp the perfect plan.

"He was yours. I understand that. You above anyone had to the right and perhaps the obligation to finish it. I understand that completely, Remus. I have my own to seek out. I just need everyone to remember that death comes so quickly. I..."

He paused and looked over at Padfoot who was sleeping. He looked to the bed where Severus had been, and then back at Remus. "It happens so quickly. In just an instant everything changes. One bad choice, one mistake can cost you everything, and I don't want us to be the ones to make those mistakes." He managed a half smile as he added, "You survived. That's all I asked for."

Except, he did owe him that apology. He owed him more than one, actually, and part of him even figured there would never be enough apologies in the world to cover everything. For the mistakes he had done so many years ago that he never apologized for. For being one of the ones that had died nineteen years ago, leaving him to deal with everything on his own. For how Harry felt, because he knew the absolute Hell that surviving meant sometimes. For him having to face yet another war when it was supposed to be over by now, when he had already done so brilliantly not only once but twice. For not being able to stop it, for not knowing how to end it, for...

Remus squeezed Harry's hand back, lips tugging into a faint but grateful smile.

At his words, he gave his hand another light squeeze. You're not fighting this alone, he promised silently as he did so. We won't leave you alone anymore.

"I think we all want to be more careful this time around as well, and we will be. We have second chances we do not want to simply give up so easily." His smile widened slightly, to reassure him. "I was not ready to give up so easily this time either, and I am in no rush to do so. I will be fine; I just need some days off, I'm afraid."

"He already promised card games, but I'm sure he will come up with much more soon enough." Just thinking about it made him smile in amusement as well; he could already hear Poppy complain about how loud they were being. It would be just like old times.

"Ah, all right. If you have more questions, or if there is anything I can do, please let me know. You know I'd be more than happy to help you."

"I hope it's not strip poker," she replied, laughing. "Poppy might have a heart attack, and then where would we be?"

She picked up the guitar again and smiled at him. "Requests?"

That got Remus to chuckle, trying not to laugh too much when he thought he saw Poppy look over at them.

"How about you surprise me?" he asked with a grateful smile. "What's your favourite one to play?"

Poppy looking over, of course, prompted a small gigglefit from Marly, but she got control of it soon.

"Um. Norwegian Wood, if you don't mind the Beatles. Do you?"

"No, I don't mind the Beatles." He grinned. "It's perfect."

Luna stood in the doorway of the infirmary for several long quiet moments just staring at Remus. She gulped a little, it wasn't a secret that everyone was cheering on the inside for his triumph over Fenrir, but the joy was hard to express when Remus was in the last place they wanted any of their loved ones to be. Taking in a deep breath, she approached him slowly, forcing a smile and placing a box of chocolate on the table. "I see I'm not the only one who was clever enough to smuggle in some chocolate." She said lightly, wrinkling her nose and taking a seat beside his bed.

Remus noticed the forced smile, but he didn't point it out. He just wished for the thousandth time that he hadn't gotten any of them worried over him.

"I think, somehow, the secret got out that I like chocolate," he said quietly with a small smile of his own. "But it's fine, I don't think I can ever really have enough."

"Good, because I'm going to have a piece myself." She said grinning, trying to keep the mood light and reaching into the box for a piece. "I would ask you how you are doing, but I guess you've already heard that oh about a thousand times by now." She popped the piece of chocolate into her mouth, her eyebrows raising and a soft smile spreading across her face.

"By all means, please, have as much as you want." His smile widened a little, reassuringly. "I have, but I don't mind answering it again. I'm doing much better. I just need some days to rest, and I should be up and about soon." His voice softened. "The worst of it has passed, Luna."

She grinned and brought her legs up wrapping her arms around her knees. "I'm just glad that you're okay...that you're going to be okay."

"Thank you," he said with a small nod, his smile still on his face. "I will be, not to worry. How have you been?"

*Your welcome..." She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Easier said than done Remus...and I've been good, I think the baby has stopped making me sick every time I turn around so that's a plus."

"Good," she said, and began to play. She shrugged once the song was done, and set the guitar back down. "You've got your own personal song and dance troupe, mate. -- James can take care of the dancing."

"That's good." He chuckled softly. "From what I know, the first few months are the hardest, with the morning sickness and all. Now you are probably going to get started with cravings, if you haven't already."

Remus looked as happy and as calm as he could probably look right now. "I very fortunate for that. Although I have a feeling that as soon as others hear about your performances, you will have a high demand for them as well. I'm sure we can arrange a concert in the Great Hall one of these days."

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In the infirmary...

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