worldfromafar | writers_muses: 2.4. Insomnia (Reply)

4. Ficlet: Insomnia, whether it's problems at home, or worries at work, for some reason your muse is having trouble sleeping, write a fic showing how they are coping by the second or third day of little to no sleep.

Set in the

grownhp6words 'verse where werewolf attacks took place in the last full moon, and Remus is unsure if he was one of the attackers.

The articles lay about on the bed, one piled neatly upon the other as he stares blankly at them from where he's sitting at the head of the bed. His back is pressed against the back board, knees drawn up, and as he continues staring there is a part of him that wants to reach over and light them on fire.

But scorching them to ashes, he reminds himself, won't make the situation go away, would it. If that was the case he would have done so from the very beginning. Instead he has been reading every article there is about the attacks enough times to memorize them.

Remus has been carrying out his duties at the school, and he has gone back to smiling and even laughing when he needs to and when he should just to carry out normal appearances, but at night pretending and faking is impossible. There is only silence in the room. There is no one to fake for. There are only thoughts that catch up after a long day; wounds that seem fresher and more painful than they had been that morning. The void that he tries to fill with classes and lessons simply expands in a way that overtakes him despite his best efforts to avoid it.

Nights and days are starting to blur together, he concludes as he pinches the bridge of his nose after looking towards the window. Whenever he tries to sleep he only stays awake, his thoughts running wildly in his head. And when he does sleep his dreams spook him enough to not want to sleep anymore. The last time he had truly slept is impossible to recall. It's showing in the shadows under his eyes, but Remus simply shrugs it off. It's a stressful time, he reminds whoever asks him; that is the reason why he cannot sleep. The school needs more attention. The students do as well. Tensions are running high. How anyone in the castle is sleeping properly he cannot even begin to guess. His body feels heavy, he feels at the brink of insanity, but resting properly is not something he can even contemplate. Not even eating, actually, and that is why he 'eats his dinners' in his quarters away from everyone, even if he claims it's because he has lesson plans to get ready for the following day. This way, if he eats or not, no one will actually know.

The clock on his desk chimes, and Remus just sighs under his breath. One. Two. Three. Four. Four chimes. If he sleeps now he'll be able to sleep for a couple of hours. If he sleeps now then maybe he will feel better, yes?

Instead of laying down completely, however, he stands and slips on his shoes and traveling cloak. He doesn't have to bother with dressing because he is still wearing the same clothes from the previous day; he had already known that sleeping would be impossible tonight.

Leaving the articles of the Prophet on his bed, Remus slips out of the apartment where he is staying at Hogwarts so he can go for a walk around the grounds. He'll be back later to shower and change for his classes. But, before that, he needs to clear his head. Otherwise, he knows, it will be impossible for him to find a way to set the 'mask' he now wears more religiously than before back in place.