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worldfromafarSet to whenever he's alone after this. He saw the prompt and wouldn't keep quiet. >.> It's important, though, because this one marks one of the biggest differences between AU!Remus and canon!Remus.
His apartment felt so empty now that Sirius wasn't in it. Harry had promised to talk to Sirius and smooth things out, so they were probably - hopefully - doing just that.
Now that he was alone, he sat at his desk and stared down at the book in front of him blankly. It was frightening just how easily he had been able to fake a smile and act as if everything was fine after his conversation with Harry. He still felt numb after that reaction he had seen in his nephew, which probably made things easier when it came to hiding how he was feeling, but now that he was alone and he could think of what had happened he couldn't fight that coldness that seemed to seep into him. His stomach felt hollow, and he knew well enough it wasn't the lack of food.
Guilt. That's what it was, wasn't it? The word felt so heavy as his mind toyed around with it, but that was definitely part of what he was feeling. There were more feelings running through him, but exploring all of them wouldn't do him any good so he kept trying to not focus on that. If he did, the theories that had started to formulate while talking to Harry would make him lose his mind a little with the possibilities.
Instead, he latched onto guilt. He deserved it, for coming back into the apartment looking so normal. For lying through his teeth and reassuring Sirius that things were fine, when they weren't. Remus was used to faking how he felt on days leading up to the full moon, days that followed that particular night just to not worry them, but this was different. Sirius had a right to know what was going on, but they were keeping him in the dark and he couldn't help but feel guilty for it.
I know you don't wish to keep secrets from him, he can hear Harry's voice saying, but we both wish to keep him safe.
Pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, Remus just sighed under his breath while his mind now toyed around with a new word.
Safe.
Of course they wanted to keep him safe. And Remus wanted to keep both of Harry and Sirius safe, so not being completely honest now hopefully wouldn't be that bad.
...right.
As he opened his eyes, the sight of the ring he was wearing made his heart feel heavy. Merlin, it felt so odd to keep something like this from him, but they had to. He knew that well enough, he just had to keep it in mind. Trailing his thumb over the side of the ring, he let out a long deep breath as he reminded himself that they had no choice. He hated the idea of a secret that deep between them, but if Sirius were to draw his own conclusions like he was... He really didn't want to think of what that could bring. Because he himself was having trouble just sitting instead of finding out more and setting things right, but he had to. Just how they had to not be completely honest with Sirius now.
Tearing his eyes away from the ring, he went back to the page he had been reading to perfect the charm for Harry. It was probably a good thing he was good at half-truths and masks whenever he needed them, because otherwise this would be much harder than what it already was. He would still feel that guilt weighing him down, he knew, but Sirius wouldn't see it. Not even Harry would see it, even if he would probably be able to guess.
...we both wish to keep him safe.
Indeed, they did. It was simply unfortunate that that wasn't reason enough to take away that hollow spot in him that only seemed to grow a bit more.
word count: 659
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy." - George Carlin
His apartment felt so empty now that Sirius wasn't in it. Harry had promised to talk to Sirius and smooth things out, so they were probably - hopefully - doing just that.
Now that he was alone, he sat at his desk and stared down at the book in front of him blankly. It was frightening just how easily he had been able to fake a smile and act as if everything was fine after his conversation with Harry. He still felt numb after that reaction he had seen in his nephew, which probably made things easier when it came to hiding how he was feeling, but now that he was alone and he could think of what had happened he couldn't fight that coldness that seemed to seep into him. His stomach felt hollow, and he knew well enough it wasn't the lack of food.
Guilt. That's what it was, wasn't it? The word felt so heavy as his mind toyed around with it, but that was definitely part of what he was feeling. There were more feelings running through him, but exploring all of them wouldn't do him any good so he kept trying to not focus on that. If he did, the theories that had started to formulate while talking to Harry would make him lose his mind a little with the possibilities.
Instead, he latched onto guilt. He deserved it, for coming back into the apartment looking so normal. For lying through his teeth and reassuring Sirius that things were fine, when they weren't. Remus was used to faking how he felt on days leading up to the full moon, days that followed that particular night just to not worry them, but this was different. Sirius had a right to know what was going on, but they were keeping him in the dark and he couldn't help but feel guilty for it.
I know you don't wish to keep secrets from him, he can hear Harry's voice saying, but we both wish to keep him safe.
Pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, Remus just sighed under his breath while his mind now toyed around with a new word.
Safe.
Of course they wanted to keep him safe. And Remus wanted to keep both of Harry and Sirius safe, so not being completely honest now hopefully wouldn't be that bad.
...right.
As he opened his eyes, the sight of the ring he was wearing made his heart feel heavy. Merlin, it felt so odd to keep something like this from him, but they had to. He knew that well enough, he just had to keep it in mind. Trailing his thumb over the side of the ring, he let out a long deep breath as he reminded himself that they had no choice. He hated the idea of a secret that deep between them, but if Sirius were to draw his own conclusions like he was... He really didn't want to think of what that could bring. Because he himself was having trouble just sitting instead of finding out more and setting things right, but he had to. Just how they had to not be completely honest with Sirius now.
Tearing his eyes away from the ring, he went back to the page he had been reading to perfect the charm for Harry. It was probably a good thing he was good at half-truths and masks whenever he needed them, because otherwise this would be much harder than what it already was. He would still feel that guilt weighing him down, he knew, but Sirius wouldn't see it. Not even Harry would see it, even if he would probably be able to guess.
...we both wish to keep him safe.
Indeed, they did. It was simply unfortunate that that wasn't reason enough to take away that hollow spot in him that only seemed to grow a bit more.
word count: 659
